A Shirt Every Father With a Daughter Must Have

Jeff Cormier — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 01:56:41 +0000

For only $20, dads with daughters can get this must-have shirt that lays out 10 simple rules for dating one’s daughter:

The rules: Get a Job; Understand I don’t like you; I’m Everywhere; You hurt her, I hurt you; Be home 30 minutes early; Get a lawyer; If you lie to me, I will find out; She’s my princess, not your conquest; I don’t mind going back to jail; Whatever you do to her, I will do to you

Perfect.

Buy: 10 RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER T-SHIRT

[Occupy Bacon]

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Ze Frank reads from the pages of the diary from the saddest dog ever.

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The first full trailer for Anchorman 2 has dropped, giving insight into what this sequel has in store for viewers.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues features Ron Burgundy tackling the ’80s in a new city (New York), and trying to make a comeback at a 24-hour news network:

With the 70?s behind him, San Diego’s top rated newsman, Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), returns to the news desk in “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.” Also back for more are Ron’s co-anchor and wife, Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate), weather man Brick Tamland (Steve Carell), man on the street Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) and sports guy Champ Kind (David Koechner) – All of whom won’t make it easy to stay classy…while taking New York’s first 24-hour news channel by storm.

The legend continues December 20, 2013.

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Police: Son stabs father, then saws off his own hands:

According to police, what began as a verbal fight between family members at some point became physical. Based on interviews, the sheriff’s office alleged that the 27-year-old son stabbed his father multiple times with scissors.

Then, the sheriff’s office said a press release, Jason Dunn mutilated himself by using a radial-arm saw to sever his hands.

Gary Rinehart told CNN affiliate KRCR that he saw both men being wheeled from the scene into separate ambulances. The first, the son, had “a lot of blood at the end of his arms, like his hands weren’t there.” The second, the father, had “blood in the upper area.”

“This is definitely the craziest thing that’s ever happened on this street,” Rinehart said.

It’d probably be considered the craziest thing to happen on 99% of streets.

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The Periodic Table of Muppets:

Canadian artist Mike Boon of Mike BaBoon Design has created the first-ever Muppet classification guide, a Periodic Table of legendary puppeteering genius Jim Henson’s best works of rainbow fur. His whimsical masterpiece features Muppets from the classic to the newly-stuffed, arranged on the table by debut year or production (the first row includes Kermit the Frog, Sam, Yorick, and Harry the Hipster from Henson’s 1950s series Sam and Friends) and by principal puppeteer. Borders and elemental symbols are coded by hair and nose color.

All of the old standbys are there—Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Scooter, and the Swedish chef—as are newest characters Walter and the ‘80s Robot from the 2011 Jason Segal movie The Muppets. Nostalgic Muppet fans will recognize the familiar characters as well as some of the more obscure ones that Boon has included, such as the alien Mahna Mahna and silver-haired singer Johnny Fiama.

You can get this, and other designs from Boon, on t-shirts, i-phone cases, posters, and prints.

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This Is How You Respond to an Unjust Cease and Desist Letter:

Jake Freivald, a resident of the northeastern New Jersey township, had been running the practically nonexistent website westorange.info as a place to provide anyone who happens to get lost while looking for porn with a no-frills way of finding information on the place where Thomas Edison once lived.

“It doesn’t look like a site that’s sponsored by West Orange in any way, shape, or form — unless the town hired middle schoolers to create its online presence,” writes Staci Zaretsky at Above the Law.

Nevertheless, the township still saw fit to sic its attorney, Richard D. Trenk, on Freivald, claiming his “use of the Township’s name…is likely to cause confustion [sic], mistake or to deceive the public and may be a violation of the Township’s federally protected rights.”

So Freivald engaged attorney Stephen B. Kaplitt to respond to the cease and desist letter. Kaplitt’s response is legendary.

Genius.

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Why Microwaving Water for Tea Is a Bad Idea:

It turns out that tea requires certain types of hot water. That is, water at a certain temperature. Green tea, for example, should be steeped at 176º F; herbal tea requires 210º F. When you stick your mug in the microwave, you have no idea how hot your water is. Tea kettles, on the other hand, are designed to heat tea to 212º F, according to Slate.

There are a lot of other theories about why nuking your mug isn’t the best. Slate says that the microwave will result in unevenly hot water:

Microwave ovens shoot tiny waves into the liquid at random locations, causing the water molecules at those points to vibrate rapidly. If the water isn’t heated for long enough, the result is isolated pockets of very hot or boiling water amid a larger body of water that’s cooler. Such water may misleadingly exhibit signs of boiling despite not being a uniform 212 degrees. For instance, what appears to be steam rising from a mug of microwaved water is only moist vapor evaporating off the water’s surface and condensing into mist on contact with cooler air—it’s the same principle that makes our breath visible on frigid days.

Screw it, microwaves are simply too convenient not to use.

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Taken by photographer Ren Netherland at creative dog grooming competitions across the United States, these photos show some of the most wild-ass dogs you’ll ever see on the planet.

Many of the dogs look like they are seriously considering suicide.

What the!?!

[Laughing Squid]

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Genius: This Alarm Clock Shreds a Dollar Bill If You Let It Buzz Too Long:

Self-control is hard. People tend to go for “smaller-sooner” benefits over “larger-later” rewards. Economists call this “hyperbolic discounting.” You call it “I’ll go to the gym next Tuesday.” Nothing encapsulates procrastination better than snoozing your alarm for 30 minutes because it’s easier to lie in bed than think about the costs of starting work late.

But here’s an economic punishment that will wake you up in the morning: An alarm clock that shreds a dollar bill if you don’t smack it in the first few seconds.

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Why Rational People Buy Into Conspiracy Theories:

Crazy as these theories are, those propagating them are not — they’re quite normal, in fact. But recent scientific research tells us this much: if you think one of the theories above is plausible, you probably feel the same way about the others, even though they contradict one another. And it’s very likely that this isn’t the only news story that makes you feel as if shadowy forces are behind major world events.

Our access to high-quality information has not, unfortunately, ushered in an age in which disagreements of this sort can easily be solved with a quick Google search. In fact, the Internet has made things worse. Confirmation bias — the tendency to pay more attention to evidence that supports what you already believe — is a well-documented and common human failing. People have been writing about it for centuries. In recent years, though, researchers have found that confirmation bias is not easy to overcome. You can’t just drown it in facts.

I’ll admit, some conspiracy theories seem quite plausible (see: UFOs).

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